I wonder if it is the same for everyone. I am so drained when I come from the Emergency. Life is like an empty blur and I feel sapped of life and energy. Sometimes the days are good, sometimes the days are not so good. Today there were 4 casualty deaths. For some inexplicable reason there is a sinking feeling coming from somewhere deep within me. I have narrowed down the choices to one or two. But I have no clue. This used to happen some time back. But for quite some time now it had gone. A claustrophobia of sorts. That was most evident when I intubated the patient wrongly. Dr B came and put it right. No one had attended the patient since the day. And since she was an old case Koch's with Cor Pulmonale, nothing much could be done apparently. I tried intubating her twice. But each time it went into the oesophagus. By the time Dr B came, she was long since gone.

There was another death with a CVA, one with poisoning, one with something else I don't remember. Walking back was a drag. As if something is going to happen. But I just can't put my hands on it what it is. Maybe its the pre 28 year old phenomenon I am feeling. Its in my bones. Starts from today.

Convincing yourself about the choices you make is not a difficult thing to do. But sticking on to the promise is the most trying part. I am just letting myself sip it in. Gradually I will think about this and choose what I must.

Reading up on ECGs and stuff from today. I leave for home on 11th June. Before that I plan to finish Hashimoto's Encephalopathy and CVT. A lot of time has gone by. Getting back on track will take time. Lets hope for the best.