THE ART OF MEDICINE

I miss the arrogance with which PKD taught...and contrary to what people might otherwise think about me, I want to be humiliated about how less I know and with what I know how underconfident I really am about them. Today, these days, classes and situations are creeping up where that inner feeling inside me like " Ah...I know it, I have read it somewhere", keeps coming at me from time to time. About the inadequacy of our learning, and about the rampant disregard we have for facts in the way we treat. Evidence based Medicine.

When I was in undegraduation, I used to belong to one of those types who knew most answers if not all to most questions thrown at postgraduates in Medicine. And Medicine in my college was good, and we had some of the most arrogantly well read professors in our time. The biggest war after how much money one made in a month was succeeded by how many correct diagnoses one made...and it was like that...except for the excuse of those not being able to get managed being sent to AIIMS. I remember seeing those postgrads sweating and panting, of professors throwing letters and papers in their faces, and then we as undegraduates, and I in particular, with all the theoretical knowledge obtained from all books garnered from amply providing parents and the Internet used to look down upon Post Graduates thinking " How can they not know this ?"

It has turned into that. I have turned into one of those I used to look down upon. I dont have a reason, or maybe I do, but I am not staying put like this. And I will do whatever it takes beyond that point when just " Connecting with people and recognising diseases" is not enough. I have achieved that level. Now I will work with the limited expertise that should come to someone in my position. I am a physician. I will not work like a Dai. No more words, but one day at a time, and I will document deaths, mistakes that happen and as and when they happen. Before I forget to recognize them a second time it happens. Before its too late.

And thanks to one of the teachers I have over here who gives me the confidence that aggressiveness is not bad, as long as you are saying the right thing. I am aggressive no doubt. But I am not confident how right I am. And in all probabilities with whatever limited intellect I have if I work one step at a time, 3 years of post graduation will not be a difficult time. It has not been bad till now. I don't see it often, but a part back home in SCB is still here. And with my own professor giving me the confidence to give the medicine I want to, the freedom to choose, admit and refuse ( okay, none of this last part), I hope what I do makes up for the time I lost i finding my nerve back.

And I will be back with more. God bless the ones here who are trying to make a difference beyond eyewash.